Blaze of Glory
by loveonspeedial
Summary: [Complete] She was engaged to a man she didn't love, infatuated with a man who she couldn't be with, and then an orphan. Cordelia Tunstall's life was a disaster... and it only got more chaotic from there.
1. A Man To See You

Chapter 1. A Man To See You

Charles H. Burns had traveled far from New York City to New Mexico and it looked almost untouched. It was June of 1940 and the world was in peril, but the quiet town of Silver City looked as if it had not changed. Men were dressed in cowboy boots and Stetson hats and the women looked like Mexican senoritas from out of a book. Charles was being quickly baked into his crisp black suit like a turkey in a roasting pan, but he was clearly on a mission. He disregarded the strange looks he got as he entered a small bar and asked for directions.

"I'm looking for the Tunstall Ranch. Is that close to here?" he asked, his voice calm and without a trace of the anxiety that he was feeling.

The place went completely silent. All eyes turned toward this city boy in his sweat-drenched jacket. This was unheard of. The bartender gave the directions and Charles left, now unsure of the task he was about to complete. He drove to where the bartender told him, expecting to see a large ranch with cows and chickens roaming freely over the land.

Instead, there was a large house with dark green shutters with a brick walkway that led to it. Horses grazed in one pasture to the right of the house and a group of chickens were scattered about the property. A vegetable garden of considerable size could be seen in the back. It was a nice little ranch, quaint and pleasant.

A boy of 20-something came up to Charles. Under his hat, you could see his freckled face and dark blue eyes that shone like jewels in the sunlight. He was tall; about six feet even, with a southwestern drawl that commanded attention.

"Hello. My name is Charles Holden Burns. I'm hear to speak to Mrs. Laurence," Charles said, looking up at his young man, being he was a mere five feet seven inches.

"What're you here for?" he asked.

"I'm writing a book on the Lincoln County War and Billy the Kid."

"Does she know you were comin'?"

"No, I'm afraid she doesn't," Charles answered, hoping that wouldn't be a problem.

"Well, I don't know if she'll want to talk to you, but come on up to the house and I'll see if she will. It always depends on what kind of mood she's in. That's just how she's always been," he explained.

"Yes, I understand. Thank you, uh… what's your name?"

"Patrick. Patrick Hurley, Mr. Burns. Come on in," he said, holding the door open for him.

The men both took off their hats and disappeared behind a pair of solid oak doors. Patrick led Charles down a long hallway, down a shorter one, and then told him to wait there. He knocked upon the door in front of them. A feminine voice from the other side called out and he opened it to reveal a parlor that had shelves and shelves full of books.

"Grandma, there's a man to see you. His name is Charles Holden Burns and he's writing a book," Patrick told an elderly woman who was sitting in a blue armchair.

"About what, dear?" she asked.

"The Lincoln County War…" He paused. "…And Billy the Kid."

She closed her book and placed it carefully on the table. The room was silent. Charles waited intently for an answer. He had never been more nervous in his life. He could hear the clinking of ice in a glass and the woman take a sip from it.

"Show him in," she said, a serious tone overcoming her voice.

Patrick waved Charles in and helped offered the old lady an arm, which she declined. Charles went quickly into the room and found himself standing in front of a 79-year-old woman with graying hair. Her skin was fair and wrinkled, softened with a genuine smile and a pair of dark blue eyes that equally matched the glow of her grandson's. She stuck out her hand and shook hands with Charles, having a firmer grip than he anticipated.  
"It's a pleasure meeting you Mrs. Laurence," Charles said, in awe of this woman.

"Please, Mr. Burns, only call me Cordelia and definitely don't use that dreadful surname. It's a constant reminder of my weaknesses," she said with a joyful smile. "So, Charles, if I may call you Charles, Patrick tells me you're writing a book about the war… and a dear friend of mine."

"Yes, Cordelia, I've been interested in it since I was a very young boy, especially your part in it. I mean, there weren't many women who happened to be, uh…"

"Outlaws? I was an outlaw. I'll gladly admit it. At the time, I thought my part to be quite miniscule. Of course, it was my father's death that started the whole thing," she said. "Anyway, what would you like to know, Charles?"

"Everything, actually," Charles said with enthusiasm. "Just start from the first time you saw Billy the Kid to whenever you feel it necessary to end."

"Alright, young man. Patrick, I'm sure you have things to do, darling. And if you heard half of this, your mother would never let you around me again," she said to her grandson.

"Yes, Grandma," he said, kissing her on her wrinkled forehead.

She watched him leave with a warm smile, then turned to Charles who was now seated at the table across from her. Cordelia poured him a glass of iced tea and herself another glass of whiskey, smirking as she did so.

"I'm so proud of that boy. Of course, I'm proud of all my boys. Always have been, but you'd know that wouldn't you. I was so proud of them I named my sons after them: John, Richard, and William Harrison. My husband never understood the last two, or the reason I wanted John to name his son Patrick, but John knew."

"After Pat Garrett. You loved him, didn't you?" Charles asked.

Cordelia blushed and nodded her head. She took a sip of whiskey and turned her small body fully toward Charles, a grin on her face.

"So you want me to begin when I first met Billy? Well then…"


	2. Heading For Disaster

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**Chapter 2. Heading for Disaster**

It was another winter day in Lincoln County, the slight chill nipping at your face while the bright New Mexico sun shined down. The wild southwestern wind danced across the prairie, bringing the smell of red chili into one's lungs. A magical reality that seemed so much like illusion, until the sounds of a gunshot vibrated through the town.

"Not another hanging," my father said, his English accent heavy in his words.

"Sheriff Brady will be happy," a young man said. "Don't you think so, Cordelia?"

I stood, captivated by the fugitive that ran from a group of officers. I was paying very little attention to James Grant, my fiancé. James was a year older than me (making him eighteen) and working for his father in their little restaurant and for my father in his store. I only agreed to marry him because I knew Pa approved of our pairing.

"Cordelia?" he said again.

"Huh?" I replied, glancing into his warm brown eyes.

"Nothing, darling," he said, tucking my dark curls that framed my pale, freckled face behind my ear.

I smiled vaguely, emotionally unattached from the scene. Doc -- one of the young men who worked on Pa's ranch and my very dear friend -- must have noticed. He brought me back to earth, suggesting that we return home. I smiled gleefully.

"I better be going, James. I'm sure I have things to do at home," I lied. I just wanted to get out of there, to go home.

"I understand, darling. I'll be by tomorrow to visit you. It was nice seeing you again, Mr. Tunstall. Same to you, Josiah. Goodbye," James said, kissing my cheek and giving my hand a squeeze.

I waved to him and walked closely to Doc. "Thank you," I whispered to him before seating myself next to my father on the cart. He just laughed, and then almost fell forward when Pa suddenly stopped. Doc aimed his rifle at a young boy, maybe 19 or 20, who also had a gun raised. He peered up at my father and then his icy blue eyes gazed at me.

"Come on, lad," Pa said calmly. "Hurry up. Don't be afraid."

With a quick glance over at the men who were chasing him and another look at Pa, he climbed through the fence and into the back of the cart. His back was covered in hay and his face was covered in dirt and grime.

"What's your name, son?" Pa asked, his calm tone never changing.

"William H. Bonney, sir," he said.

"That's a good name. This is Josiah Skurlock, my daughter Cordelia, and my name is John Tunstall," Pa said.

Doc gave him a nod and a smile. I reached my hand down to shake his. He looked at my hand, reluctant to shake it.

"I don't bite," I said with a welcoming smile.

With that, he shook my hand, a smile playing across his own face. I listened intently as Pa asked him questions, fascinated with this new boy as I had been with all of the others. Yet, as intrigued as I was, all I wanted to do is get home.

The sight we saw when we arrived back at the ranch was a typical one. Richard, the foreman, had separated Steve and Chavez, who apparently gotten into another fight. Charlie stood off to the side, amused as the yokel and the Mexican-Indian fought. Doc and I knew the scene all too well, as did Pa. But William (who had told us that most people called him Billy) sat back, bewildered by this dysfunctional group of boys.

"Who are them?" he asked.

"'Who are they?'" Pa corrected him. "They are they boys of the dregs. The flotsam and jetsam of frontier society, if you will. We've got room if the bunkhouse for you young man…" he told him.

I tuned out anything else he had said, noticing that Richard had a large smudge of blood on his cheek. Pa pulled the cart to a full stop and I hopped from the buckboard, walking briskly toward him.

"What happened to your face?" I asked, examining it closely.

"It's just a scratch, Corie. Don't worry about it," he said, his voice serious as usual.

"You should really get that cleaned up. Or wait and fall slightly ill so I have a decent excuse not to see James tomorrow," I said, scheming my way out of another dreadful situation.

"Here we go again," Steve mumbled, his mouth filled with a wad of chewing tobacco.

"John bring in another hard case?" Charlie asked.

"Hope it ain't another Mexican," Steve rejoined, obviously trying to get a rise out of Chavez.

"Mexican-Indian, you son of a bitch," Chavez replied, fists tightening.

Richard escorted me inside as we spoke in hushed voices. The other boys followed for a moment and then turned down the path to the bunkhouse. My boys: I loved each of them dearly.

Doc and I spent many nights together reading poetry and discussing literature. He was the most cultured of the five. Chavez would tell me stories of his people, shared his insight with me, and bestowed upon me my first kiss when I was 14-years-old. Charlie put up such a front as a tough guy when, underneath it all, he was so sensitive and worried about silly things. Steve was simply hilarious. He teased me and taunted me, but he was always good for a laugh.

Richard was much different from the rest of them. He always listened to what I had to say, let me complain, let me cry on his shoulder, let me confide in him. He was my protector and my best friend. I loved him. It was an undying love that turned into a lust-fueled desire. But I wasn't about to share eternity with him. I had to spend it with James Grant, a timid, scrawny youth who was afraid of his own shadow.

"How was James today?" Richard asked, wincing as I poured alcohol into the wound.

"Same: acting like he owns me and treating me like a child. I feel suffocated," I said, wiping his face.

"Then call off the engagement," he retorted.

"You'd like that wouldn't you? Pa would be so disappointed in me if I did. He's quite fond of James."

"But you're the one who's going to be stuck with him for the rest for your life."

Richard stood with a face that was free of blood and dirt. He kissed me on the forehead, taking my face in his calloused hands. He looked deep into my eyes and smiled with genuine warmth.

"It's not just me that wants to keep you around. The others would be mighty upset too. We love you, Cordelia Marie Tunstall, and don't ever forget it," Richard said, kissing my cheek before walking away and leaving me in a stupor, a dumb smile on my face.

I went into my bedroom and fell onto the bed. I stared at the picture of James, still unsure of whether I could stand being married to him. Remembering Richard's touch made it nearly impossible. My craving for him was far too great and I could often imagine living on the ranch, raising Richard's children.

They had my dark blue eyes and his soft, dark hair, his ability to take control and my quick wit. But that was only in my daydreams. In reality, my children would have all the frail, meek features James had: his big doe eyes and golden blond hair, his timorous nature and lack of ambition. They would know nothing of English tenacity and nothing of being fearless. The coward inside of them would overcome the brave and the Grant family tradition of running in the face of danger would carry on.

I was heading for disaster.


	3. Holding You To That

Chapter 3. Holding You To That

Dinner the next night was proven to be interesting. We sat mostly in silence. Other than the sounds of chewing, swallowing, and utensils scraping against plates, there were no noises. Pa and I sat at the heads of the table while the Regulators (what Pa called the boys since they "regulated" his property) sat along the sides, staring down into their plates.

I had been gone most of the day, out with James as he ran errands in town. He bought me several new dresses and other pretty things, some of which I had very little use for, but accepted graciously. They all noticed me laughing politely as we rode in, a smile on my face when he kissed my cheek and said goodbye. Then they saw the sigh that escaped my lips as I trudged into the house. No one bothered asked how I was, because they all knew.

"Well, now, look at those appetites," Pa said. "William, have some more. Cordelia, darling, please eat something."

The room was suddenly very quiet as they stared at me. I looked up at my father, annoyed. How could I eat? I was too disgusted.

_"Oh James, will you please buy it for me? Please?" I begged, staring at the black dress adoringly._

_It was much shorter than my other ones, perfect for riding. I asked him over and over, knowing that if I pressed him enough about it, he would eventually give into me._

_"Alright, fine. But you have to kiss me for it," he said, testing either my love for him or just how badly I wanted the dress._

_"I will, but not in public, James. I will wa—"_

_"Why, Cordelia? We're engaged for God's sake! When did kissing your fiancé become a crime?" he asked._

_Understanding his point and desperately wanting that dress, I grabbed his face and planted a big kiss on his lips. Unfortunately, I couldn't get away fast enough. He deepened the kiss quickly, taking me completely by surprise. At that moment, Alex McSween and his wife Susan walked in. _

_This was the second time that Alex had caught me kissing a man. The first time had actually been with Richard at a Christmas party my father threw one year at the ranch. That time it was completely innocent and I was just enjoying the simple touch of a boy's lips upon mine. This time, I was caught with James Grant's tongue practically shoved down my throat. _

_In the end, I got the dress I wanted and nine others of the same kind in a variety of colors and prints. But these dresses cost me another fraction of my reputation and knowing that James had ruined what little appetite I had for at least a week._

"I have a lot on my mind," I said, looking back down at my food.

The moment of silence passed and it was like nothing had ever happened. Chewing and knives hitting plates became a beautiful melody and I even joined a little in the symphony.

"You ever worked beef before, Billy?" Richard asked.

"Yeah, worked a little out Fort Sumner way, Pete Maxwell's place. Did the chow line, but, uh, I got a way with cattle," Billy told us, sounding proud of this accomplishment.

Snickering came from Steve and Charlie, who had found something very amusing in what he'd just said. Pa reprimanded them and threatened with chores the two of them would do alone.

"Sorry, John. It struck me funny," Charlie said.

"And to William, both of you," Pa replied with a serious tone.

"Apologies, William. Just hackin' on you, that's all," Charlie said, speaking up first.

"Yeah, we was just hackin' on you," Steve added.

Billy nodded in acceptance of their apologies, fuming a little. I understood his anger all too well. Charlie and Steve were constantly "hackin'" on me as well.

"Rumor has it you killed a man, Billy. You don't seem like the killing sort," Richard said.

"Yeah, Billy. What'd you kill him for?" Steve asked.

With a look of pure seriousness, Billy glanced at Steve and calmly said, "He was hackin' on me."

Charlie and Steve looked at him. Their faces ran white with fear while everyone else's showed expressions of amusement. Pa gave a small. I laughed out loud, covering my mouth to hide my further hysterics. In turn, everyone else laughed, except Charlie and Steve to uttered only uncomfortable chuckles. I smiled at Billy, who flashed me a bright grin with a wink to accompany it.

This boy was a mystery to me. He had a quick wit and a cheeky smile, fast with his pistol, and an excellent reader. The more conversations I had with him, the more I was beginning to like him. We would sit and laugh for hours on the front porch, sipping coffee. He taught me how to fire a gun almost as well as he did and I would keep him company when he fed the pigs. He told James that I wasn't feeling well and told Pa that he hadn't seen me when I would go out riding with Richard in the afternoons. For all that he did for me in those few short months, I swore to be indebted to him for the rest of my life.

"I'm holding you to that, Cordelia Marie."


	4. Irishmen and Hearsay

Thank you all so much for the reviews! I really appreciate it.

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**Chapter 4. Irishmen and Hearsay**

I woke early one morning, wanting to see the sunrise over the mountains. In that new black dress, I climbed on top of the roof and waited. There was a chill in the air and a soft breeze that blew my hair back from my face. All was quiet except for a bird singing somewhere off in the distance and the sound of my heart beating within my chest. I took in the tranquility of my surroundings, inhaling the sweet morning air with a smile.

The sun rose, painting the sky pink, orange, and purple. A rooster crowed below me and I could hear the door to the bunkhouse swing open. The six of them filed out, still groggy from sleep. I watched them saddle their horses and chat while they did their first chores of the day. Silently, I observed them from a new angle, amused. They walked right past me, not even noticing I was right above them.

"I should check on the cattle," Richard said to Chavez.

"Sounds like a good idea. Can I come too?" I said with a laugh.

They drew their guns on me, shocked when I started to laugh. At that moment, Pa ran outside.

"Have any of you seen Cordelia?" he said, a hint of fear in his voice.

I hung my head over the side of the roof, my hair dangling down. With a bright, innocent smile on my face I answered his question with, "Hello, Daddy." He looked at me disapprovingly, his hands on his hips. He yelled for me to get down and I walked quickly over to my bedroom window, climbing back through. By the time I got downstairs, they were all in the kitchen. We ate a hearty breakfast to begin our day and Billy left early to tend to the hogs.

After we finished our meal, we heard the sound of horses coming nearer. The boys and I followed Pa out the front door, looking upon L.G. Murphy, James Dolan, and Sheriff James A. Brady. My eyes narrowed at the sight of these men, who smirked when I appeared next to my father with a pistol ready to fire.

"Good morning, John," Brady said, addressing my father as if they were good friends. What a bloody wanker…

I noticed Dolan looking me over as he did two summers ago. My stomach churned when the memory of his meaty hands grabbing at me when I walked by his store one afternoon flashed in my mind. Doc reached out and touched my shoulder, knowing exactly what was going through my mind. After all, he was the one that heard me screaming. I inched closer to my father and held my head high as if their stares didn't affect me, but they did. All of their eyes undressed me; all of their lips formed little smiles. I suddenly felt unbearably ill.

"Well! The belted earl has spoken," Murphy said in harsh Irish accent. "Look behind you, Earl. All I see is hired thieves and one modest tramp."

"Why you dirt son of a—" I began. Pa hushed me with a cold glance.

"These boys are promising young men acquiring an education—" Pa told him, trying to be as forthcoming as possible.

"Well, I've had you pegged as the type that likes... educatin' young boys, Englishman," Murphy replied, causing the rest of his company to laugh heartily.

The two merchants continued to talk and the other men continued to admire me like I was a prize-winning horse. Rage bubbled within me as I thought how easily I could kill them all. Dolan would be the first to go, then Sheriff Brady, and the rest of them would be left to use as practice. As I looked over at my father, I saw Billy, crouched in the hog pen with his pistol aimed up toward Murphy. Doc, Richard, and I noticed him too. _He ain't all there is he?_

Murphy mounted his horse and we quickly cocked our guns. The men pointed rifles and such back at us. It took everything in me not to open fire on them. Brady commanded them to lower their weapons and ride out. More than anything, I wanted a fight.

"This is a new country. We won't be bowing down to you no more, Englishman!" Murphy stated proudly.

"You're right," I said, "Because as long as you still have knees, Paddy, you will go down on them before me."

"Is that so? Then get ready for hell," he said, riding away into the sunrise.

The sound of the horses died away and Pa said calmly, "Back to work, chaps." He looked at me with an angry glare. He was obviously disappointed. "Cordelia, get inside. You and I need to have a talk about your behavior."

"But Pa, I…"

"Inside. Now!" he demanded crossly.

He had never once yelled at me like that. With my head hung, I proceeded into the house. Pa followed after me. He sat in his normal seat at the table while I sat next to him. His brows knitted down in fury and his jaw was so tightly clenched, I feared that he might break his teeth.

"This is not England, Cordelia. And this certainly isn't the Northeast. Here, the Irish outnumber us and we cannot defeat them. I will not have you running about calling them derogatory names and making a fool out of yourself. You're not married yet and your reputation is swiftly declining."

I looked at him with wide, astonished eyes. Alex told him what he saw that day. I felt sick again, like vomiting all over the floor.

"Pa, please let me explain."

"There's no use, Cordelia. I have heard many things from many people. I wish to believe that none of them are true, but I've seen how you are with Richard and the others. I'm not foolish and I'm not blind. You clearly favor men who are not good enough for you, which is why James is the perfect match for you."

"Oh, please! That stupid boy has gotten me into more trouble this month than any of my actions alone ever have. And what do you mean 'many things from many people'? What, have I suddenly become the object of the town gossip? Have those bitter old women moved on from the scandal involving Anna Wood and her beau, and on the me and what they call my promiscuity? A girl gets kissed by her fiancé and suddenly she becomes known to Lincoln County as a two-bit tramp? Why I've never been so insulted in my life!" I said, storming out of the house in a huff.

The whole town was talking about me behind my back! I knew now that when people were whispering, it was about me. All of those girls who spoke behind their fans, the young men who chased after them, the older gentlemen who smoked cigars and drank brandy, the old ladies who sat on their porches in pretty wooden rocking chairs: they were all talking about me.

Part of me was annoyed by the unkind gossip, and the other part was thrilled. In London, my name was well known, but here… I was a stranger; no one knew my name. I believe that deep down, everyone wants to be known. They want to have their names dripping from people's lips. This desire was being quickly fulfilled, and this was only the beginning.


	5. Happy New Year, Darling

**Chapter 5. Happy New Year, Darling**

New Year's Eve had come much faster than I anticipated. I had hoped that I had at least another week to make a resolution that I could perhaps stick to, but I had no such luck. Pa bought all of us a new outfit to wear to Lincoln's annual New Year's celebration. The boys had never looked more handsome that night and, as they told me, I had never looked more beautiful. My dress was dark blue with cream-colored lace lining the sleeves and the bodice. I wore my hair down in soft curls, its natural state, making me look older, more mature. For the first time in months, I didn't look like a 17-year-old girl, but like a woman.

I stood in front of the mirror, checking my appearance one last time. Pa watched me from the doorway laughing. He said that I looked just like my mother. I didn't remember her at all, but I still felt her spirit around me when I felt terribly sad or distraught.

"I have a present for you," he said, placing a silver chain around my neck that had two rings hung on it. "Those were your mother's rings. I was going to wait until your wedding day to give them to you, but I just couldn't."

My eyes welled up with tears as I clasped the rings in my hand. I threw my arms around his neck, a tear rolling down my face. He brushed it away with his thumb and kissed me on the cheek. Arm in arm, we exited the ranch house together. Richard brought my horse over to me and I mounted the mare sidesaddle as Pa taught me when I was small. The nine of us (The Regulators, Pa, McCloskey, the newest member of our ranch hands and I) rode into town with smiles on our faces and joy in our hearts.

We dismounted and tied the horses up to posts near Pa's store and dispersed to see people we hadn't in some time. I hooked my arm around Richard's and tried to make him laugh. This was a strategic move on my part. I knew that everyone was watching me. I'm sure they all took note of my independence and my flirtatious conduct. I figured if this was what they wanted, then I'd give it to them in such significant amounts that they all would just possibly die from shock.

I saw James, but simply overlooked the fact that he was even there, still fuming over the kissing incident. He was, after all, a big part of why I was in this horrible mess. He walked over to me; his head hung low in a submissive posture.

"Cordelia, can I speak to you?" he said with a shaking voice.

"Not now, James. I just got here and I'd rather not spend my entire night around you and your dull friends. Excuse me, will you?" I said coldly, walking away from him.

A group of middle-aged women observed my interaction with James. Their daughters stood in a circle near them, whispering madly. Elizabeth Harris, Katherine Grant, and Mary Wagner were the most uncouth girls I'd ever met in my life. They despised me for reasons I never understood, other than the fact that they weren't nearly as attractive as I was (which is not a conceited statement by any means because any man, woman, or child would have said the same).

Elizabeth had a petite frame and dull brown hair that matched her beady eyes. Katherine, James' sister, was more like her brother everyday: quiet and soft-spoken, yet controlling and whiny. Mary was the prettiest one of them all. Her eyes were a bright emerald green that illuminated her tanned face. But because she had so much beauty, God did not gift her with a personality to accompany it.

They had always gossiped about me, hated me, and wanted me out of _their _precious town. I had once tried to befriend them, but it was no use. Instead, I played along with their silly little game. I stole Richard's hat as I walked by him, a devious smile on my face. He chased after me as I paraded around the party with his hat on my head. Once he had finally caught up with me, he grabbed me by the waist and tried desperately to get it back. I kept it out of reach just long enough to enjoy the sensation of having his arms around me, eventually giving it back to him by putting it on his head. He kissed me on the nose then walked back to where the Regulators stood. The girls gasped and began to speak softly behind their hands. I walked past them and smiled.

I saw Billy standing off to the side and rushed to tell him of my grand accomplishment. Barely paying attention, I crashed into someone. When I looked up, I found a pair of gray-blue eyes looking down at me. Never in my life had I seen a man so tall.

"I'm so sorry, sir. I wasn't paying attention," I told him, slightly embarrassed by my clumsiness.

"It's alright. My name's Patrick Garrett," he said with a strong voice.

"Cordelia Tunstall," I said, giving a small curtsy.

"It was nice to meet you Ms. Tunstall. Be more careful from now on," he laughed.

I ran over to Billy, who had already met Mr. Garrett and was quite impressed by him. I really had no idea who he was and didn't care at the moment. Quickly, I told him of my little show. He laughed and flashed me a radiant smile.

"You little schemer!" he said with a giggle.

Music began playing and people started to dance. James rushed up to me and asked me to join him. To be fair, I accepted and allowed him to lead me in a dance. He apologized over and over again for being so bold. I forgave him just to get him to stop talking. I smiled politely, as usual, until Richard asked to cut in. James reluctantly permitted him to take my hand as the band played a slow song.

He held me tightly in his arms, pressing our bodies close together. I could feel his warm breath on my hair and could hear the strong beating of his heart. Richard looked down at me with his dark eyes, holding my gaze. How badly I wanted to kiss him! Even if all of Lincoln saw Richard kiss me like James had done, I would have felt only pure joy. The song ended and we stopped moving. Richard kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear, "Meet me behind John's store."

I waited to see him leave before I did as he told me. By that time, I had already danced with Charlie, Billy, Doc, Steve, and Chavez. He was waiting for me. As an engaged woman, I had to be nonchalant about the entire operation.

"McCloskey, have you seen Dick?" I asked, as if I didn't know where he was.

"Yeah, I think I saw him go that way. Why are you looking for him?"

_Why are you asking me foolish questions?_ "I think he stole my handkerchief while we were dancing. Just playing another practical joke on me."

I walked in the direction he pointed toward, behind Pa's store. I called his name in a whisper at least twice before I finally got my answer: he grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall, his lips pressed firmly against mine. A million different emotions rushed over me like a wave, all of them clogging my mind of any sensible thought. All I knew was that Richard's hands were roaming freely up and down my body and I was enjoying it. I was boldly kissing him back with just as much passion, damning our location and my morals. If those two things were different, I wouldn't have been as innocent as I might have been before I rounded that corner.

Guns were going off and it was now the year 1878. My fingers dug firmly into Richard's back as his lips traveled down my neck and onto my chest. I was so lost in the moment. I didn't hear the footsteps approaching us. I didn't hear the gasp of a timid, scrawny youth who was afraid of his shadow. I knew nothing other than Richard's lips on my body. And James' voice saying softly somewhere in the dark, "Happy New Year, darling" was barely audible.


	6. The Second Death

I love all of the reviews! Keep them coming, darlings...

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**Chapter 6. The Second Death**

Home seemed so far away from town. My head was spinning so fast I could barely see straight. I was dizzy and lightheaded, but in the most fantastic way possible. We rode home singing Auld Lang Syne off-key and out of tune. I laughed the entire way and exchanged tender glances with Richard. I could still feel his lips on me. I had never felt more content than I did at that moment. But this joy I felt wasn't about to last.

A flock of quail flew about the prairie, begging us to chase them. The Regulators galloped after them with their guns ready to fire. Billy and I stayed behind, but Pa urged us to go.

"Boys will be boys," he told Billy. "Go ahead and enjoy yourself, Cordelia. Keep a close watch on them for me."

I nodded and gave my horse a small nudge with my heel, causing her to sprint off after the boys. Suddenly, I stopped. The sound of horses came pounding from behind me. I turned to see some of L.G. Murphy's men ride up next to my father. Their rifles and pistols were drawn and cocked. Time froze for a moment while Pa's kind eyes held my gaze and he mouthed, "I love you." I opened my mouth to call out to him, but it was too late. Gunshots rang over the plains and my father fell on the ground… dead.

My face went white with terror and my body went cold and numb with pain. I didn't hear anything, smell anything, feel anything, or see anything other than my father. Murphy's men were rushing towards us and Doc was screaming my name. Richard was pulling my horse and I in his direction, away from the dangerous posse. But it was at that moment that I found my legs. I leaped off of the mare, ignoring everything around me. Tears streamed down my face like rain, but burned like molten lava. I fell forward two or three times, but kept my eyes on my father.

I staggered up the hill and collapsed hard on my knees near his body. I turned him up so he faced the sky and looked at his face. It was just as calm and poised as ever. Warm blood rushed out of the wounds in his chest, yet I still prayed that I would hear him breathing. I reached a pale shaking hand out to touch the hole near his heart and let out a blood-curdling scream. I fell upon Pa's body, sobbing into his chest.

"Papa, please. Please, don't leave me here all alone. What am I supposed to do? You never taught me what I was supposed to do. Pa…"

Things started going blurry. A figure of a man ran toward me. _Cordelia? Stay with me. Stay with me, honey. Stay… with… me…_ Everything was going black. The sunlight was quickly fading. A voice came from somewhere in the darkness… _Cordelia? Wake up. Cordelia?_

"Pa…"

* * *

I walked into the Grant's restaurant the next morning. There were clean linens on the tables and fresh whiskey at the bar. I looked around at the place like I had a dozen times before, looking for Joseph Grant, James' father. My future father-in-law told me that his son was upstairs in his room and offered to accompany me up the stairs. I declined and left to find James.

The news of Pa's death had not spread this far into town yet, and I wanted James to hear it directly from me. He was sitting at his desk when I knocked and permitted me to come in. His voice was cool and monotone, almost angry.

"James, I need to tell you something," I said. "Will you please look at me?"

He turned around to face me, his eyes red with anxiety. "How can I look at you, Cordelia, after what you've done?"

"What do you—"

"Don't play dumb with me! I saw you with him the other night. I saw you with Richard." He paused for a moment. "Do you love him?"

I didn't respond. I was completely numb to the subject of love at the moment. My lips didn't move even though I desperately wanted to cry out: "Yes! Of course I do!" But I refrained from doing so. I glanced down at my feet, not knowing what to do or say. This wasn't what I came to tell him. This wasn't what I came here to discuss.

"Well, do you?" he asked again. He was obviously more irritated than saddened by my lack of speech.

It took me another couple of seconds before I finally said, "Yes," in a hushed tone. I opened my mouth to speak again, but quickly closed it when I felt his hand collide with my cheek and I crashed to the ground. There was blood trickling from my face where his ring had cut me. I stayed down for a minute, trying so hard not to cry. James stood over me defiantly. For the first time in his life, he actually dominated me. He was in control.

I stood shaking with my hand covering the deep abrasion. I looked into his eyes. There was no remorse within them. He wasn't sorry. He couldn't be sorry, even if he tried.

"Now, you listen to me, you little tramp. I know you're only marrying me for my family's money, but I will not be made to look like a fool by some harlot. Do you understand me?" he snapped.

I nodded, still dazed. Before I slipped out of the door I turned to him and said, "I came up here to tell you that there's to be a funeral in an hour for my father. He died yesterday morning…" My voice trailed off.

In a bitter placid voice he answered, "I already knew."

He knew. And yet he continued on about Richard and other things, and he hit me. He knew my father, the only family I had left, was dead and he still hit me. My head began spinning again. Then the room started spinning. A sob rose up and lodged in my throat. With the last bit of nerve I had within me, I choked it down and told him, "Then don't bother coming."

I slammed the door behind me, rushed down the stairs, and then out of the restaurant. The blood had dried and was just a streak of red down my face and neck. Richard noticed me first when I walked up to the funeral. He hugged me close to him and examined the wound.

"What happened to your face?" he asked.

"It's just a scratch, Richard. Don't worry about it."

I wiped my face clean with my handkerchief and joined the others for Pa's service. There were no words I could say, especially since so much between us had gone unsaid. This was the second death in my life. The first being my mother. I realized at that moment that I was an orphan. I had no one left. True, I had my boys and I had the McSweens (who were practically family anyway), but nothing was going to be able to take the place of my father. Pa was the only person in the entire world who loved me for myself, or rather in spite of myself. I could still hear his voice in my head.

"The only man a girl can count on is her daddy. Remember that, my darling. You can always count on me. No matter what…"

But that wasn't true. This was the moment in my life when I needed him the most, and he wasn't with me. He told me he would always catch me if I fell, but I was plummeting quickly into the dark abyss and he wasn't going to be there to grab me before I hit the bottom. He was gone.

_For as much as it is pleased Almighty God in his wise providence to take out of this world the soul of our deceased brother, we therefore commit his body to the ground. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust._


	7. A Wedding To Remember

**Chapter 7. A Wedding to Remember**

"This what's best for you, Corie," Richard yelled down the hall at me.

"Do you see the scar on my face? Are you telling me that this scar is what's best for me? I'm not marrying him," I screamed back.

"Yes you are!"

I picked up a ceramic jar from the corner and hurled it at Richard's head. He ducked just in time as the object went whizzing past his head. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and sobbed wildly into my pillow. When Pa was killed, I didn't think that anything worse could happen in my life. I was so very wrong.

Richard promised Pa that I would always be taken care of. He told me that he'd always watch me and protect me, but now he was leaving. They were all leaving. The Regulators had been deputized and made into the law. This meant only one thing to me: I had to stay behind. I had to sit back and watch everything I ever loved run off into the wilderness and leave me. But there was more. Before they left, I was to be married to James. When Richard told me this, my heart broke.

I spent the rest of the night locked up in my room. It had been a very childish thing to do and extremely ineffective since all it got me was a migraine and hunger pains. My life was suddenly becoming too atrocious much too quickly. If I thought about it for much too long, I started to feel sick. My thoughts drifted toward running away, but I had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I was stuck exactly where I was: sitting on my bed, clutching a pillow close to my chest, and dreaming of sprouting wings and flying away. I prayed to God; just sat and prayed. A lump rose in my throat and I choked down another sob.

_What is my life coming to? Why is this all happening to me? Why me?_

The sun rose the next morning as bright as it ever had. A bird sang a happy tune outside my window, which ultimately woke me up. Doc opened my door to find me still fully dressed and curled up on my bed. I sat up when he entered, smoothing down my hair and fixing myself the best I could. He didn't say a word, but I knew exactly what he was thinking. He was dressed in his best clothing and clean-shaven. I nodded my head and stood up. Before Doc shut the door behind me, I got one last look into my bedroom. It hadn't changed in six years. The color on the walls had not faded and the quilt that my grandmother made had not worn out. It was all so perfect. I would have lived there forever if I could.

I had walked down the hallway to the stairs so many times, yet it felt longer than usual. The lights seemed brighter, noises were louder, but the expressions on my boys' faces were as gloomy as London in the winter. I faked a smile for them, but it didn't work. We left abruptly without a word issued amongst us. I felt like crying; we all did, but not a single tear fell. The only noises were the birds and horses, and the bells chiming as we arrived in town.

People flocked to the church for the wedding as I entered in the back. I dressed quickly in a hand-me-down dress that came from James' mother. It was tight on me, seeing his mother had much smaller breasts than me, and I had trouble breathing in it. The shoes were not mine either and were also too small. The only thing that suited me perfectly was the necklace Pa had given me with my own mother's rings on it. I could feel both my mother's and my father's spirit with me, and suddenly felt a little more at ease. A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts.

Alex A. McSween appeared in the entryway, smiling apologetically. He was my father's closest friend, lawyer, and business partner. He had always been somewhat of a father to me and his wife Susan was like a mother, but even with them there supporting me, I felt so alone and terrified.

"Are you ready, Cordelia?" he asked.

I looked into the mirror and stared at myself for a moment. My wavy tresses flowed freely around me and my eyes gleamed like sapphires in my pale freckled face. I nodded my head and sighed.

"Isn't this the part where you're supposed to tell me that we can leave if I want to?" I asked.

"Not this time, Corie," Alex said with a laugh.

"Why not?"

"Because, this is what John wanted. He wanted you to be happy… and safe."

I nodded again. "Alex, you'll understand if I tell you that I want to walk down the aisle alone, right? It's just that, it was supposed to be Pa's job and…" I couldn't say anymore.

"I understand. Just remember that Susan and I are here for you no matter what," he said with a hug.

I was alone again in the room. No other thoughts rushed into my mind. I couldn't escape and I couldn't get out. I was going to be Mrs. James Grant whether I wanted to or not. The organ boomed from the other room and Alex retrieved me. Susan handed me my bouquet and placed the veil over my face.

"Smile," she said. "This is your wedding day and you look like you're going to a hanging."

"Maybe I am," I answered.

The doors swung open and the entire congregation stood. I glanced left and right at the townsfolk that smiled politely at me. James stood proudly at the front of the church and in the front row were the Regulators. The entire room had smiles on their faces except for them. They knew what happened. They knew about the scar that the veil hid cleverly. Richard looked guilty. Charlie had been crying. Doc was angry. Chavez and Steve shared a saddened expression. McCloskey was unemotional, detached from the scene. Billy had a mixture of these emotions. He was angry, sad, and alert. He was planning something in his head; I could see it behind his eyes.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…"

My eyes scanned back and forth between James and Richard, who stared at me the whole time. _Save me. Please, save me. _I heard my voice screaming in my head, crying out for someone to listen. James smiled at me like the words "tramp" and "harlot" and never come from his lips toward me. How I hated him!

"If any man can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let him now speak, or else, hereafter, forever hold his peace," the preacher said.

I looked again over to Richard, then Doc, and then Chavez. I even looked to Charlie and Steve for support. _Please…_

"I can show just cause!" a voice announced.

My heart flew within my chest. Billy was standing up, a defiant expression on his face. I felt myself smile, but the joy I experienced was so overwhelming that I could barely control it. He walked up to me and threw the veil back from my face. He reached his index finger out and pointed to the red scar on my upper cheek. "That's why."

"You can't prove that was me!" James shrieked.

"He doesn't have to," Richard said. "She's coming with us anyway."

"Do you really mean it?!" I gasped.

"Come on, Ms. Tunstall," Richard said, holding out his hand.

I pulled the heavy engagement ring off my finger and gave it to James, who seemed quite shocked by the whole ordeal. With a smile and a laugh, I grabbed a hold of Richard's hand and ran out with him. A loud wave of voices followed us out into the streets as people gawked. To them, I had become quite the lunatic. Later that morning, I too was deputized and rode off with the boys. I was finally the one thing that I always wanted to be: a Regulator. It had been a wedding to remember...


	8. A Bit Like Flying

Thank you all so much for the reviews (especially Beth. Welcome!). Sorry this took me a while to update. This whole getting ready for college thing takes a lot out of a girl. ---Andrea.

**Chapter 8. A Bit Like Flying**

On February 27, the eight of us rode out of Lincoln with all of our necessary possessions, high hopes, badges, and warrants. I had the entire against me. James was their precious little gentleman and I had broken his heart. They believed I was a vicious trollop who had no morals and was a social disaster. But those crazy old bitties couldn't accuse me of being a complete whore. I did leave a man at the altar, but I didn't ride out unmarried.

The morning of the 27th, clad in a cream-colored dress and soft suede boots, I became Mrs. Brewer. It was a quick and simple ceremony with very few people attending: the Regulators, Alex, and Susan. I knew Alex was furious, but he hid it so well. At half-past ten we left Lincoln to search for the men who killed Pa. The first warrant was for Henry Hill, a man I had always hated. Richard had spent an hour asking around and discovered that he was in some dingy pub. There were so many of those around that it took four hours to find it. The term "dingy" was an understatement. I could have caught a fatal disease being within 50 yards of the place, which looked like a very large shed.

"Hell, Doc, you grew up in a hole worse than this, didn't ya?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, but I've been cultured since."

We gawked at this building (if you could even call it that) for a moment or two longer. I learned then that poor had a very distinct smell and it wasn't pleasant.

"Hey, Billy. Why don't you go inside and have a look see? See if Hill's in there. If he is, bring him to us," Richard said, passing the warrant over to him.

"Richard…" I interjected, but Billy was off his horse and on his way to find Henry Hill before I could chime in.

He was only inside a minute before he exited and headed toward the outhouse, a smile on his face. There was a scheme rolling around in that little head of his. One crazy scheme after another got us both through whatever predicament we were in. Some where in the background I heard Richard mumble, "Now what the hell's he doin'?" and I half expected to hear "He ain't all there is he?"

Henry Hill walked out not long after Billy and also went into the outhouse. Whatever method he came up with was certainly working. The rest of us waited, hanging on to every second as it ticked by. A gun was fired… we suspected the worst. _Damnit._ Hill's companions called out to him and rushed out of the doorway like cockroaches with their firearms drawn. I pulled my pistol from holster and cocked it, panic surging through me.

Shots were fired back and forth between the drunken fools and us. They dropped like flies as the bullets flew. There was a quick rush of adrenaline even though I missed every time I fired a round, but the sheer exhilaration in the air filled me with bliss.

"Bonney! You weren't supposed to smoke anybody. We got warrants! We're the law!" Richard hollered.

As the paper stated the next day, we were considered a gang. So much for bringing justice to Lincoln County legally. All I could think about was how disappointed Pa would be and how much he would have scolded me. I didn't ride sidesaddle, I was married to the wrong man, and I was a member of a deputized gang. He would have killed me.

"Murphy's gonna want blood, brains, and balls for this," McCloskey said.

"Well, when this is all over, I intend to have Murphy's blood, brains, and balls presented to me on a silver platter by Brady and Dolan. And if they can't gather all of that up, I want his severed head," I avowed angrily.

They turned their heads to face me with disgusted, shocked, and confused expressions. "That's disgusting!" Charlie cried.

Doc laughed a little, then quickly dashed around the corner. I looked through a slat in the wall to see him chasing down a young woman. I had seen them together before. This must have Murphy's China doll. When Doc told me the way that poor girl got into the situation made me want to see Murphy's head on a shiny platter even more. I drifted into a daydream until Brady rode up with his company. Doc had ducked out of sight before Brady had bothered to look down in front of him. I jumped to the side before he could see my face peering out.

"Who is it, honey?' Richard asked.

"Sheriff Brady. I hope he didn't see me…"

"Well, he'll have to see you to give you Murphy's head," he teased.

He stood in front of me, his wide-brimmed hat shielding his eyes from the sun. Richard swept the thing from his head and bent down to kiss me. His kisses sent my mind spinning and made my stomach fill with butterflies. I had yet to enjoy the joys of married life though, and with such a long road ahead of us, I had the feeling that it wouldn't be for some time. So I lived in the moment and felt as if my feet were lifting off the ground. Richard kissed me again and again adding more passion and intensity every time. All of this was a bit like flying.

_Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?_

_Thou art more lovely and more temperate…_

William Shakespeare, Sonnet XVIII


	9. The First Kill

**Chapter 9. The First Kill**

The sun rose and set twice before we found Morton and Baker, the next two men on our list. I spent those days taking in the scenery and enjoying every moment like I never had. Some said it was denial; others called it insanity, and most agreed with the latter, but this wasn't the case. I had fallen head-over-heels in love, and it was clearly visible on my face. I spent hours daydreaming unable to focus on anything else.

"Corie, stop moving!" Doc said in a whisper.

Voices were heard in the clearing… it was them. Chavez crouched down behind a bush, twirling his knife wildly. Doc, Jay McCloskey, and I also dismounted. We crept behind trees and shrubs, prepared to spring into action. The metal handle of the pistol felt cool in my hot hand. I saw Billy wink at me with his trademark smirk. Those boys weren't going to get out of this alive.

"Pretty good don't you think, Baker?" Morton asked his partner, who sensed that we were there.

Chavez snuck up behind him and pressed the blade to his throat. "Not that good."

The rest of us presented ourselves, armed and ready to fire if necessary. Morton, having been caught completely off-guard, looked terrified and Baker just seemed confused. _What fools!_

"Buenos dias, shitheads," Richard said.

"You don't understand, Dick. By killin' Henry Hill, ya'll started a war," Baker replied, his arm raised in surrender.

"By killing my father, you started the bloody war," I shouted.

"Just the same, we're talkin' 50, 60 men against your, what 7 or 8? We're with the Ring!" Morton added.

"We're gonna bury you. You can believe that," Billy said in a low tone, gun shoved in Morton's back.

In my head, I was applauding him. I was waiting for the moment when Billy would killed them both. I suppose he was waiting for the moment when I would finally snap.

"Quiet, Bonney!" Richard barked. "We're taking you to jail. No killing."

"Objection, your honor! These boys are going to the grave in the name of John Tunstall," Billy declared.

"I said quiet, Billy. I don't need that kind of talk! Law don't talk like that." There was worry in Richard's voice. It was something I'd never heard of before and I was troubled by it.

"Yeah, well, law don't kill innocent merchants either, do it?" Steve adjoined.

"Shut up, dirt face," Doc demanded.

"I'm with Billy this time," I said.

"What?!" everyone (including Morton and Baker) shrieked in unison.

Richard cast me a look of concern that I met with one of complete sincerity. "What are you saying, Corie?" he asked.

I looked at Billy for support, but he was just as confused as everyone else. I then glanced at Baker and Morton and saw fear and panic in their beady eyes. It was the same fear I saw in my father's eyes before they opened fire on him. Anger boiled inside me.

"I'm saying we take them to Capitan Mountain and blow their brains out!" I said with fervor.

More shocked expressions bombarded me. I was never known as one to be exceedingly sweet and proper, but this was something I had never said before. I was half surprised myself. Even Billy had lost the amused look he always wore in exchange for a bewildered one.

"Sounds like a plan, Cordelia. What do you say, Steve?" Billy replied to my impulsiveness. Steve nodded, still somewhat taken aback.

"Hey, Billy— easy. Dick, I don't think we should go by way of South Fork," McCloskey said.

This was the first time I had ever really heard him speak. The two of us didn't talk much, so I never had a reason to accuse him of being a deceitful individual, but now… I wasn't too sure of him.

"Why not?" Richard asked.

"I think Murphy'll be watchin' the trail leading in and they'll ambush us. I think we should go straight through to Lincoln."

Was he crazy? Dumb? A combination of the two traits? Only Billy seemed to know what was going on. McCloskey made a move that made Billy even more suspicious, causing everyone else to be confused.

"He knows what I saw!" Billy cried.

As McCloskey backed up fearfully, crashing into Doc, he showed just how devious he was. There was a nervous smile on his face. Billy began questioning him about the ambush. He rambled on and on about it until Richard finally snapped. He had spent the most time with Jay, trusted him fully, but I could hear the trepidation as he spoke.

"But he used to ride with Murphy, that's what I'm talkin' about!"

"That was a long time ago…" Richard growled.

"He's a spy!"

"We made a pact. Right, McCloskey?"

"Right…" he answered nervously.

"But not knowing any of us that well would make it easy for him to break that pact, wouldn't it?" I cut in.

Richard looked at me with cold, stern eyes. "Corie, you're supposed to be on my side, not his!" he said pointing to Billy.

"This isn't about taking sides, Richard. It's about common sense."

"And I'm using it. Are you?"

This was no time to start fighting. There were more important tasks at hand.

"Sorry, Jay," I said coldly.

"It's fine, Corie. Come on, Billy," he said extending his hand and offering to forgive Billy for his haste. We stood in silence wondering what he would do. Much to all of our surprise, Billy holstered his pistol and shook his hand and apologized.

"It's alright. We're all upset about John."

"I'm sorry I didn't sniff you out sooner, you goddamned traitor," Billy said nonchalantly, pulling out his gun and firing a hole clean through McCloskey's forehead and then another through his gut.

Blood splattered all over Doc's face and McCloskey's lifeless body fell back into the river. With this distraction, our other two prisoners tried to make a run for it. Chavez tossed his knife right into Baker's back and Billy finished him off with two shots. Morton was clipped in the arm by one of Doc's bullets, but quickly got up and started to run again.

"Get that son of a bitch!" he called. Without thinking, I aimed and shot Morton. He fell into a bush… and wasn't getting up again.

"Oh God!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Court adjourned," Billy grinned.

"Moron! You're outta line you son of a bitch!" Richard shrieked.

I stood silently as Charlie openly panicked about Sheriff Brady hanging us and Richard fought to keep order. Power was rushing through my bloodstream and caused a tingling sensation at my fingertips.

"Okay, everybody, skin up the river. Now!" Richard commanded. He rode up to me. "You alright?"

My face was blank. "I killed somebody, Richard."

"I know you did…"

"No, you don't understand. I killed somebody," I paused, "and I liked it."

He stared at me for a minute: dumbfounded, concerned, and almost afraid. "We gotta get out of here, Corie."

I nodded and got back on my horse. Doc followed behind me, a tear rolling down his face. He must have thought I was inhuman. It was my first kill… and I was ready for more.


	10. The Third Death

**Author's Note:** Yes, it's about that time. I can't keep Richard alive for a number of reasons. I'm actually combining Young Guns and Young Guns II together into one story and Richard being alive would add complications for later plots. (Refer to the end of the first chapter.) He'd have to die sooner or later. Sorry, folks. And please forgive me if the months are dates are completely off. –Andrea

**Chapter 10. The Third Death**

My life became a giant blur after that. We rode our horses aimlessly across the prairie during the day and then slept under the stars. Our mornings would start as soon as the sun rose and they wouldn't end until it was too dark to see in front of us. We got lost, got high, and rode through a reservation that was notorious for collecting the scalps of white settlers. John Kinney, an ex-soldier turned bounty hunter, was after us along with every other division of law enforcement in Lincoln County. Things were tough, but it got easier as life raged on. We finally found real shelter at Baker's Mill in the late afternoon on May 7. A chicken was killed, breaded, and cooked for dinner, a luxury that I had not experienced in a while.

"Lord, forgive us for our wrongdoings, for our misguidance by heathen religions. Thank you for keeping us alive. Please guide us in doing the right thing. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name," Richard prayed.

When we sat around the table at home, Pa would say Grace, but it never seemed this long. We were all starving and this was no time to pray for our souls. It was already too late. My stomach growled loudly, begging to meet the food it was being teased with.

"Please, Dick, it's getting cold!" Billy exclaimed.

They drew their guns on each other. Poor Charlie was caught in the middle, but he just rolled his eyes. Richard and Billy had been at each other's throats lately. The press and named Billy our captain and put Richard's picture in the paper, the caption reading "Billy the Kid." It was a competition, and a ridiculous one at that.

"I could've killed you, Dick. I could've killed you. But I don't wanna kill you, I wanna eat!"

"When we finish this meal, you little rodent, we're gonna go out in the yard and see who has the right to run this group of Regulators."

"Richard, would you be so kind as to pass the gravy, please?" Doc asked, ignoring the situation all together.

I reached in between the two of them and lifted the gravy boat up. "No, he's too busy acting like an idiot," I said, smacking Richard upside the head. I walked over to Doc on the other end of the table. Billy received a hit on the back of the head as well. Steve burst in the door, trying desperately to catch his breath.

"Might well-heeled man comin' this way," he said.

"Just one?" Richard asked, gun still aimed at Billy.

Charlie and I rushed to the window and peered out to see who it was. I hadn't the slightest idea, but Charlie did. His name was Buckshot Roberts and he had "killed more people than smallpox." The warrant for his arrest was lying on another table with all of the others. _Wonderful…_

We went outside to see an older man with a long trench coat made of fur and two straps across his chests filled with ammunition. He had a gray mustache and beady little eyes. Roberts had in his hands two rifles and the mule he rode in on was carrying another. I suddenly believed what Charlie had said, but also thinking that he ahd underestimated the number some.

"Let's dance," he said enthusiastically and began shooting.

We dove behind whatever we could and fired shots back and forth. While running for cover, Chavez was hit in the side. He crawled next to Doc, who was shot in the hand. I was crouched down next to Billy and Richard, firing bullets as quickly as I could. Roberts backed into the outhouse and began shooting inside there. Doc was trying desperately to wrap in hand and Chavez was just lying there in pain.

"I'm going to try to get over there," I told Richard.

He looked over to them and then at me. "Be careful and go quickly." I nodded and kissed him passionately. Richard smiled and watched me dash over to my two wounded boys. Roberts fired at me, but missed all four times. I ripped away a strip of my dress and wrapped it around Doc's hand, then crawled over to Chavez and put pressure on the wound.

"I'm glad you're here, Cordelia," Chavez said with a calm smile.

Gurgling noises were coming from the outhouse now. Roberts must have been hit. I was so focused on Chavez that I didn't notice Richard get up from behind the lumber and start stepping out in front of the outhouse to investigate. When I did look up, he was stepping slowly toward it.

"Richard! What the hell are you…"

A gunshot.

My husband's body tottered back and forth before crashing to the ground. They all called his name and fired shot after shot into the outhouse. My eyes went wide with panic. Charlie tried to run out to him, but Steve stopped him.

"We gotta go get him," he cried.

"You wanna cross in front of that shithouse again?" Steve screamed back.

It was New Years Day all over again. I got to my feet and ran to Richard. I kneeled by his body and sobbed wildly, begging him to wake up. Suddenly, I heard a breath. Hope washed over me.

"Corie," he gasped. "Corie. I… lo—" He gasped for air, trying to get his last words out.

"I… I… Cordelia."

His eyes glazed a bit and he was gone. My husband, my love, my best friend. He was gone. For years, I had known no other love than him, wanted nothing but him. The last thing ever said was my name and the last thing he saw was my face. I was told once that when people died, they went to a better place. To me, this meant that people who died were selfish. They were going over to a better place while all of their loved ones were left to pick up the pieces in a world without them. Now, I was to cope with life without my father and without my husband. _Why won't he wake up?_

Billy came up behind me and told me that we had to go. He grabbed my hand and tried to help me up, but I wasn't going to leave him. I couldn't leave him.

"Murphy's men are going to be all over this place soon, Corie. We've gotta go!"

"I don't care! Let them find me and kill me! I'd rather be dead," I sobbed.

"You don't mean that…"

"I do! I do!" I wailed hysterically.

He tried to pull me away as I flailed my fists violently at him and cried. My feet slipped under me and I slid down to the ground, taking Billy down with me. I wept against his chest until he lifted me up and put me on a horse, forcing me to ride away.

"Don't look back, Cordelia. Whatever you do, don't look back," he said as we rode away.

I did as I was told, feeling completely lost. The hours passed right by me and night fell hard and fast. Nothing seemed real anymore. I was a widow… and virgin.

_Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave_

_My heart into my mouth: I love your majesty_

_According to my bond; nor more nor less._

--- Shakespeare. King Lear Act I, scene i


	11. I Won't Fall Apart

**Author's Note:** As you can tell by Chapter 8 and Chapter 10, I have a thing for Shakespeare, which is how I came up with the name Cordelia. Cordelia (meaning "lion-hearted") is King Lear's youngest daughter in _King Lear_. At the beginning of the play, she has yet to marry and has two suitors: the Duke of Burgundy and the King of France. She is then banished from Britain. Sensing a connection? – Andrea

**Chapter 11. I Won't Fall Apart**

Leaving. Chavez was leaving. Doc had gone to write Richard's mother and get clean wraps for his wounded hand. I had a feeling he wasn't going to return by the way he said goodbye to me. How could I blame him? Doc was like an older brother to me. He protected me and saved me, but the pain that I felt could not be mended and I couldn't be saved anymore. But Chavez could smile and lighten up an entire room. If he told me that everything would be fine, then it would be. Billy was rambling on about tribes and pals, but Chavez was still going to leave. He walked toward the horse and checked the straps of the saddlebags. He put his foot in the stirrup…

"Don't go," I said softly.

He turned toward me with a serious expression on his tanned face. Chavez nodded and I rushed over to him, crashing into his open arms. We embraced and I choked down the sobs. On the outside, I looked relieved and content. Inside, I was screaming, fighting for my life. Charlie hugged me next and I felt calmer. Steve enveloped me in his arms and I couldn't help but smile. It was the first I had smiled in two days.

Billy lifted my chin up with his index finger, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"You, Cordelia Marie, are the strongest woman I've ever known. Promise that you won't fall apart on me," he said calmly.

"I promise," I replied.

He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I didn't feel alone anymore. In this fight against the universe that I was engaged in, I knew I had companions. I had a family.

Doc returned the next morning. We were all slightly shocked to see him back. The first words he said to me were, "Are you okay?" and I suppose I was. No one is ever the same after death. I was quiet and thoughtful after Pa's, but Richard's passing had sent me into a whirlwind of emotions that slowly narrowed down to one: pissed. In my mind, the same men who had killed my father had killed my husband in a way. Had Pa still been alive, so would Richard. All Billy had talked about lately was getting Sheriff Brady and I whole-heartedly agreed, so we went back to Lincoln.

Doc and I were crouched on a rooftop, guns in hand. Chavez was somewhere by the horses, and Charlie and Steve were across the street hiding behind a wall. Sheriff Brady and his posse strode down the street proudly, their ugly Irish heads held high. Billy came skipping behind them with a joyful smile on his face. I covered my mouth to mask my laughter, as did Doc. We watched as Billy tossed his hat in front of Brady. The sheriff stooped down to pick it up, and Billy grabbed his gun. Brady turned with frightened eyes, looking down the barrel of his own gun.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, girls," Billy greeted them with a laugh.

A knife flew into one of the deputy's necks as Chavez rode by, snatching it up before the man came crashing to his knees. Doc, Charlie, Steve, and I fired down upon the lawmen. One of my bullets hit a man in his eye. Blood squirt everywhere. He clutched his eye and stumbled around screaming. Another bullet finished him off and he fell to the dirt, blood pooling around him.

Doc and I shimmied down a drainpipe and ran to the horses. Panting and full of excitement, we fled again. Billy flashed me a satisfied smile. We continued riding for a little while longer until a farmhouse came into view. Two familiar faces came rushing out of the door: Alex and Susan McSween. I had seen Alex angry before, but I swear that steam was coming out of his ears and you could have fried an egg on his forehead.

"You weren't supposed to touch Brady!" he shrieked.

"Sheriff Brady sent the men who killed John. It was a good move for us, Alex," Billy retorted.

"Was it Billy? Have you seen the independence? The governor's revoked your deputization powers. You're now wanted by the legitimate law as well as those outside the law. You're not only being hunted by John Kinney and Murphy's men, you're being hunted by troops. Fort Stanton, Billy, and the U.S. Army! The governor's put a $200 bounty on your head. You were supposed to serve 11 warrants and expose the Ring. Instead, you went out and you went on the warpath, on a rampage. Now Richard's dead! We're living up here like fugitives! What the hell do you think you're doing out there?" Alex continued angrily, explaining what had happened while we were off gallivanting over the countryside.

"And you!" he said, turning to me. "Your father would be so disappointed. I know for a fact he raised you better!"

"Shut the fuck up, Alex," I said, finally annoyed with his lecture. "You think I have no idea about how much I've screwed up my life? I have nothing! I lost my dignity, my self-respect, my wealth, my reputation, my father, and my husband. The only thing I haven't lost yet is my fucking virginity! So excuse me if I'm not in the mood to hear your condescending bullshit!"

I stood directly in front of him. "They want to revoke my deputization powers? Then fuck the lot of 'em!!" I said removing the silver badge from my chest and throwing it on the ground. "Let's go, gentlemen."

The Regulators followed suite and mounted their horses. Night started to fall faster and faster, but the hours seemed to go by so slowly. Silence overcame every one of us. For the boys, it was fear. For me, it was anger.

No one was in charge of me anymore and no one was going to tell me what to do ever again. From that moment on, I would make my own decisions about how I was going to live or how I was going to die. Either way, it was my choice. And I wasn't going to fall apart.


	12. The Person I Was Born To Be

**Chapter 12. The Person I Was Born To Be**

There was a new sheriff to deal with: Sheriff Peppin. He wasn't another Irish politician, but just as irritating. Brady was just looking for us, but this man was planning a party, a hanging. Charlie caught wind of this little detail and had a panic attack.

"God Damnit, Billy!" he exclaimed.

There was one thing he requested to do before we got caught, something I couldn't understand. In a little town, there was a woman he had to see. All he wanted to do was hold her. Just let her know how much she meant to him one last time. I suppose I could understand.

While Charlie went to be with her, the rest of us entered a tiny bar. A man stood in a corner playing the banjo and tables were set up for card games. At least five prostitutes roamed around amongst the men, talking to them and thrusting their chests forward like chickens. One of them was speaking to a tall, blonde man at the bar who spoke proudly about himself.

"Now if this Billy the Kid is around town like people say, he's $200 flat dead on this bar," he said arrogantly.

"You can't kill what you can't catch. You know, they say that Billito is a half horse, half devil. But who knows. Perhaps big, strong Texas man like you can do—" the Spanish whore said.

"You really gonna kill Billy the Kid," Billy cut in, amused by the conversation.

"Does a horse piss where she pleases?" the man replied. "Yeah, if he's man enough to come around here."

Billy chuckled and then looked over at Doc, Steve, Chavez and I. We sat nervously in our chairs, unsure of what he was about to do.

"Is that the gun you're gonna shoot him down with?" Billy asked, faking interest. "Can I touch it? Please?"

The Texas man looked shocked. Billy looked at us and laughed.

"You know, sir, I do admire you and I sure would like to touch the gun that's gonna kill Billy the Kid."

He passed the gun to Billy. "You know iron, boy? Go ahead then. Have a look," he said. I could hear the joy swelling in his voice. "Pass her back. That there gun killed Ed Rollins."

"Is that right?' Billy asked, turning to us and mouthing, "Bullshit." I watched as he spun the chamber and slowly emptied the bullets. With a smile, I turned back to my drink. Billy gave me a new reason to admire him every minute of every day.

"Pass her back, son. Stroke a gun like that, you might as well be strokin' a man's woman. Alright, now you best be on your way before you get hurt."

"Um, I'm leaving right now and, uh, I wanna know what to look for in case I run into him and I'll come back and tell ya."

"He's a good-lookin' kid, a way with the women, dresses like a dandy, and he's a left-hander. People say he's fond of whistlin' sad ballads. Now you get out there in the street and if you see somebody who fits that bill, well, you just come whispering to me," he told Billy.

"Okay," he said, turning to face the mirror behind the bar. "Hey, I see him! Right there! Don't you see him?"

I exchanged glances with Doc and Chavez, who were equally amused at the situation. The man's expression was priceless.

"Is that so now? You know, boy, I'm getting a little tired of your wise lip. Now you get yourself some place else before I have to drop your britches in front of all these fine ladies and spank your little bottom blue."

With this, Billy began to whistle. The man's face contorted into an angry glare and he drew his gun on Billy. I covered my mouth quickly to hide the smile that spread across my face. Click! Billy's gun rose from the holster. Click! Click! His eyes widened to a fearful stare. Click! Click! Click! Billy fired a shot through his chest, knocking him backwards and spraying blood on the wall.

"Hey, Doc, how many does that make? 25?" Billy asked with a laugh.

"Five," Doc answered, shocked.

"We'll call it ten. Ten even."

A loud bang turned our attention to the door where Charlie was standing, a worried look on his face. "It's John Kinney!" he cried. Our eyes enlarged to twice their normal size and we bolted out the door. He was right. John Kinney and his mob weren't far from us as we rode from the town through bushes and thorns. A thorn tore across my upper cheek, leaving a streak of pain in its wake.

We finally lost the posse an hour later. Blood dripped down my cheek just above the scar that James gave to me. There was a pain in my thighs from riding so hard and fast. At this point, I wasn't sure what was worse, especially since our route was leading us back into Lincoln. But this was considered a test. A test none of us wanted to take except for Billy. In the end, he was defeated and we were to ride to Old Mexico.

The stars appeared above us and darkness masked the Earth. I tossed and turned under a woolen blanket, unable to fall asleep. I sat up to find that I wasn't the only one who was restless: Billy sat alone by the fire. I walked over to him with the coverlet tight around me. He looked up at me, the flames dancing in his eyes.

"Can't sleep?" I asked.

"Nope. Why don't you want to kill the rest of those bastards?" he replied angrily.

"Because… I'm ashamed of what I've become," I said after a long pause.

"What is that?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"A murderer, a fugitive. I led a some what decent life before this and—"

"A decent life? You were cheating on your fiancé with Dick and I've never seen anyone who can lie and cheat their way out of things as well as you can. Every soul in Lincoln County had heard of you at least once because of all the trouble you stirred up. You've always been an outlaw, Cordelia. You just didn't know it yet."

"I suppose so. I sure did turn out to be disappointing, didn't I?"

"Disappointing? Your pa was real proud of you, Corie. You could see it in his face. I went with him into town once and there was this older man who was askin' after you. Mr. Tunstall went on and on about how brilliant you were, how you had nearly mastered Spanish and were going to move on to Italian, and what a great business woman you'd become. Are you happy, Cordelia Marie?"

"Yes, actually."

"Then you're not a disappointment. All he wanted was for you to be happy."

"But should I be happy? I mean, I'm a widow. I should be somewhat upset and I'm not. I feel like… like…"

"Like a girl who's only 17. I remember the first time I ever saw you, you had smile on your face. That's how I'll always remember you, just livin' for the moment."

"I want to be me again, Billy. Just live for the moment, no planning or thinking about the future in great detail," I told him.

"Then go ahead."

I nodded and smiled. It was at that moment that I realized that Billy and I understood each other. The thrill of slaughter ran through our veins and the chase was everything. We were independent and reckless, lawless and wild. It was a love of adventure that drove us and dominated our behavior.

But there was the piece of me that wanted so much to stay a lady. I started wondering, did I love Richard or just the idea of him? He was dangerous enough to make me feel out of control, but was calm and righteous enough to keep me grounded and sane. With Billy, I felt completely irrepressible. I was just as tempestuous and my mother with just as much obstinacy as my father. I was finally the person I was born to be.


	13. A Dangerous Liaison

I want to thank Beth and Amber for the reviews. I love them... and you both.

**Chapter 13. A Dangerous Liaison **

Thunder rolled across the sky as we rode into the village of Juarez. A storm was coming soon. We were met with joyous cries of "El Chivato" and "Billito" as the people celebrated the return of their hero. Our horses were led to a small stable and we were shown to our rooms. It was a quaint little place with a small bed that was surprising comfortable. They used candles for light instead of the kerosene lanterns that I had become so accustomed to. There was a very small tub in the corner that would only be able to accompany a person half my size, but it was a tub.

Upon request, it was filled with warm water and I was left alone to rid the long journey from my skin. I undressed and climbed in. It was much hotter than I anticipated, but I had not enjoyed such a luxury in a remarkably long period of time so I didn't mind. With a deep breath, I plunged below the water. When I rose and smoothed my hair back, I noticed a man standing at the other end of the room. I shrieked and quickly covered my breasts. It was Steve.

"Steve! What the hell are you doing here?"

He stared at me dumbfounded, as if he had never seen a woman's body before in his life. But to him, I was still the boss's daughter. "I, uh… uh… Charlie is uh… he's gettin' married."

"Married? Already? Jesus Christ… well, tell him I'll be out to see him soon."

"All… Alright," he stuttered, quickly exiting.

I wrapped my body in a towel and dried hastily, and then slipped into a clean dress and rushed out to congratulate Charlie. Before I could touch the doorknob, the door was being opened again. Billy stood before me, his hair wet like mine.

"Hiya," he said. "Did you hear? Charlie's getting married."

"Yes, I heard. He works faster than you!" I teased.

"The fiesta is in a few hours. You wanna go with me?"

"I'd love to," I replied.

"Good," he said, taking my hand and kissing it.

"Billy, wait. Would it be strange if I thanked you?" I asked.

He laughed. "For what?"

"For keeping me safe all this time and being strong for me when I needed it and… never ceasing to amaze me."

With another laugh and a radiant smile, he departed. He left me with a strange sensation in my stomach that had me wobbling back and forth. There was something about this boy that I adored, almost loved. It was indescribable. Billy had always been the one person I told all my secrets to and the only person who I would follow to the end of the Earth, whether he asked me to or not. Yet this devotion to him was not out of the same unadulterated love I felt for Richard and not the same platonic love I felt for the others, but out of the burning within my core that I felt in his presence and the chills I got with his touch. My emotions were uncontrollable.

One of the women in town had given me a dress to wear, as none of my own were quite festive enough. She had happened to be a prostitute, which made the women of Juarez think even less of me. I had to admit, it was a beautiful outfit: a dark shade of green with a low, scooping neckline. It was long on me, seeing this woman was much taller than me, but I accepted, figuring I could easily hem it later. It was a simple dress – made of cotton and black lace that lined the bodice – but incredibly stunning. I exited the room, receiving dirty looks from the young women whose dates watched me walk past. It was like Lincoln all over again, only this time, the words "whore" and "tramp" were being cast at me in a language I couldn't understand.

When Billy saw me, he was taken aback. His eyes glittered with want and I knew I had power over him. The women that had been previously gawking at Billy with admiration suddenly turned away when he kissed me on the cheek. Their brown eyes were suddenly glowing pea-green with jealousy as Doc, Chavez, and Steve added their own compliments. I clung to Doc.

"They're all staring at me," I whispered.

"Who wouldn't be? You're colorful and full of a love for life most women had trouble cultivating. They're just feeling their own shortcomings," he replied in a dignified fashion.

I smiled and he kissed me on the hand as most gentlemen did. Billy came up beside me and offered his arm as we walked into the town square. A grinning, married Charlie stood with his young Mexican wife, Manuela, welcoming everybody. Music began to play and people started to dance. Billy grabbed me by the hand and dragged me into the middle of the group. He placed his hand at the small of my back and pulled us closer together. I smiled and my feet suddenly began moving to the beat of a drum.

After a while, I lost the feeling in my toes and was forced to sit down. Billy led me to a little place behind a low wall that was away from the noise and the people. The night air was so calm with a cool September breeze blowing gently from the west. I stared up at the stars, admiring their surreal beauty.

"Tonight is absolutely beautiful. I doubt Heaven is even this pretty. I bet God's looking down on us right now, just envying this view we have, especially when He's forced to see this sad lot of people He created. Can you even imagine a more perfect sight that this? We must be the luckiest—"

Billy's warm lips crashed against mine, cutting off my sentence. I was experiencing a flood of emotions all at once: bliss, despair, sickness, fear, and pure happiness. There was firmness in his hands as if he were afraid of rejection. His lips were evoking new sensations and thoughts that Richard's kisses never had. My brain finally caught on to what my mouth was doing and I pulled back.

I looked at him and I could see the fire from the _farolitos_ in his eyes and I wonder if he saw it in mine. This wasn't a sin. I was an unmarried woman kissing an unmarried man. I took his face in both of my hands and boldly kissed him. He deepened the kiss and I ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying everything I was feeling. When our lips parted, my head was reeling and the world was spinning. For a moment, I didn't know where I was or who I was. I couldn't think at all. He laughed suddenly.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I found a more perfect sight than those stupid stars," he said.

Our lips collided once more. I rested my hands on his guns and ran my index finger over the handles. A chill shot up my spine as he slowly kissed my neck. I opened my eyes and saw a man standing there. Without hesitation, I pulled Billy's gun from the holster. The man's arms shot up in surrender and Billy turned around to see who had interrupted us.

"Pat Garrett?"

"That's right," he replied.

"What are you doin' in here? No one's supposed to come in here," Billy stated with apprehension.

"I'm goin' back to Louisiana for family business. I wanted to see the boy and lady who'd become such sensations."

"How'd you find us here?" I asked; gun still aimed at his stomach.

"I'm a tracker. Gonna be hell as a sheriff if they let me."

"What are you saying, Pat?"

"The officials have asked me to run," Patrick answered, a gleam in his gray eyes.

"Well then I'm asking you to run too, that way. Or I'll take your shittin' scalp like I did Brady's," Billy said pitilessly.

"Billy, I ain't the law yet. And I ain't here to get your ass hairs up. I come to tell you some bad news about a friend we share, McSween. Tunstall's lawyer."  
"What about Alex?" I asked frantically.

"He's gonna die. Tomorrow. He and his wife at their house. Murphy knows he's coming back to Lincoln tomorrow. They're gonna wait till he's home then go pay a visit," Pat reported.

My heart sank. I had said many horrible things to Alex after Richard died out of anger and frustration. Now Murphy was going to go after him just like he had gone after Pa. The bloodbath was expected around five o'clock. Billy mulled over everything in his head as Patrick departed. He pulled the revolver from my hand and shot a bullet in the air.

"Regulators!" he called. "Let's mount up."

Poor Manuela started sobbing into Charlie's shoulder, hoping that it would make her beloved stay. The rest of us sat on the back of the horses wondering what Charlie was going to do. We had advised him to stay with his wife in the safety of this little village, but despite our counsel and his wife's tears, Charlie kissed her goodbye, mounted his horse, and said, "Ain't easy having pals." With that, we left.


	14. Back in Lincoln

Thank you for the reviews. I'm going to try to update once a week for as long as I can. Then college starts and well... you know. The ending isn't very good, but if I continued it like I wanted to, it would have been a extremely long chapter and I didn't want to subject you all to that. Much love.

**Chapter 14. Back in Lincoln**

Lincoln hadn't changed at all. It looked the same as it did the day I left; yet it felt different. I had walked in those streets, shopped in those stores, drank in that saloon, and lived in this world I had so easily left behind. Elizabeth Harris walked alongside Mary Wagner, both gripping their pregnant bellies. My curls were billowing in the wind and my eyes were hidden under Richard's hat. I nodded politely with a smirk in response to their dumbfounded expressions. The two waddled off as fast as their fat legs could carry them to spread the new bit of gossip: the Tunstall girl had returned.

The McSween residence hadn't been altered either since the beginning of the war. We rushed up the front steps to door and hurried in. Alex, who was wheezing and coughing, sat at his desk and Susan stood at the base of the stairs, puzzled by the group that just broke into her home. We positioned ourselves by windows and doors, prepared for whatever would face us.

"Alex, let's go. Word's out. They're gonna come kill ya," Billy told the asthmatic lawyer.

"Damnit, Billy. I told you not to come here. I'm not leaving my house," he replied while still trying to catch his breath.

"Alex, if you stay, they're gonna kill ya. Then I'm gonna have to go around and kill all the guys that killed you."

"And that's a lot of killing," I added.

Yet Alex, who was just as stubborn as Pa, refused to leave. Susan even suggested leaving, but he wouldn't have it. He wheezed and coughed more and more. Even if he wanted to go to Mexico, he would have died long before we reached it. Shouting and the sound of wheels rattling could be heard from the streets. I peered out to see men with rifles and shotguns creating barricades and loading heavy. We watched as Sheriff Peppin and his deputies ran back and forth. Murphy men were organized on the east side. John Kinney rode in as well. It was going to be a massacre.

As I scanned the faces of our attackers, I saw one that I was all too familiar. "Son of a bitch!" I whispered softly. With a shiny silver badge pinned to his vest and a gun in his shaky hands was none other than James S. Grant. He was working for the sheriff and probably making his father proud. The stupid, insecure boy that had driven me absolutely mad for three years was trying to kill me. James' haughty smirk only added fuel to the fire and I intended to let him have every bullet he deserved.

"Bonney! Tunstall! We got you up there, kids. Take a look at the firepower. Ya'll come on out, real slow!" Peppin shouted. "You up there, Bonney?"

"Yeah, I'm here, you bastard," Billy answered, dodging away from the window and pulling me next to him.

He covered me with his arms and kept his face down toward mine. I looked up at him with pleading eyes. Billy must have sensed my worry. He kissed me tenderly and affectionately as if to say, "We're going to get through this. You and I are going to live." I believed him, but I had no other choice.

The bullets ceased and Billy's grip loosened. Doc gave me a look of concern, letting me know that he had seen the kiss. I simply nodded my head. It was an unspoken way of telling him that this was the way things were and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Chavez saw it too, but he knew me better. He knew that he could scold me and warn me until he was blue in the face and I would never change my mind. Pa always said that I would cut my nose to spite my face. Unfortunately, he was right.

A voice called from outside. It was James. My heart pounded wildly in my chest. He was calling to me like he used to with the same tone. He tried too hard not to sound commanding that it just came out as a whine.

"Cordelia, we don't want to hurt you. Just come down here and we can talk rationally."

The wheels began turning as my mind wrapped around what he was saying. I stood up and pulled the tiny pistol from my ankle where it was hidden and shoved it into the pocket on the dress. I stepped gingerly over to the window, still out of the way of any stray bullets they might fire. "Alright, James. But I'm only going to the porch and you have to promise not to shoot. I'll surrender calmly if you promise."

There was silence.

"Corie, what the hell are you doin'?" Billy asked, fear in his voice.

"What I have to."

After a long pause, James answered me. "We promise not to shoot, Cordelia. Just come out real slow with your hands where we can see them." _This just may work._ The pocket wasn't clearly visible between the folds of the skirt and the gun was so small, it didn't create a lump. With a smile and a nod, I walked out of the door and into the sunlight. James stood at the bottom of the front steps, just as obsequious as before.

"Hello, Cordelia."

"Hello, James. I see you have a new profession. It seems to suit you well," I replied calmly.

"Yes, it does. Have you seen Mary since you've been in town?" he asked civilly.

"Mary Wagner? Yes, I have. She looks like she's been busy lately."

"Well, actually, we have. She's Mary Grant now. I married her not long after you left and…"

"I'm glad at least one of our marriages worked out. Mine didn't, in case you haven't heard."

"I did hear. I'm very sorry for your loss," he said. "Anyway, down to business. I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you for one count of murder. On your last little visit to town, do you remember?"

"The man I shot in the eye? Oh, I didn't kill him! Just wounded him is all. Someone else finished him off for me. After all, I am a lady, and ladies never do their _own_ dirty work."

"Is that why Billy called off the wedding? So you could live happily ever after with your cowboy without feeling guilty? Oh wait! You can't live happily ever after with him… he's dead!" he cackled.

Laughter sounded throughout the square. Every one of them laughed. I stared blankly at him, watching him laugh himself to tears. This was my pain they were laughing at. My temper flared suddenly as a shot rang out. The hole in the middle of James' forehead was still smoking when he fell backwards to the ground.

"That's for hitting me."

I turned and entered the house. Stunned, and I'm sure very confused, the artillery just sat there. Sheriff Peppin's mind finally caught up to what had occurred and shouted, "Fire!" and the house was being sprayed with bullets again. Billy and I were huddled against the wall, waiting.

"What happened out there, Corie?" he asked.

"He needed to know what death feels like. It's a good lesson learned."

Once they stopped, it was our turn to return fire. It went on like this for four more days. Until, on that last day, justice was finally served.


	15. Going Down In A Blaze of Glory

**Author Note:** I've reassessed and decided to start another story under a different name for Part II. I wrote this chapter and realized that it would be difficult to incorporate this title into the next one. Thank you for you loyalty and support through 15 chapters. I hope to see you all for the next one.

**Chapter 15. Going Down In a Blaze of Glory**

Billy's warm breath tickled my ear as he softly told me to wake up. My eyelids fluttered open to find him leaning over me. A kiss gave me more motivation to finally sit up and stretch. I had spent many nights sleeping on the hard ground, but the floor of the McSween attic killed my back. I groaned in pain as I stood and stumbled over to the window. Men were scattered left and right, all around us, and the army was marching in.

There was a stain on the damp earth where James had once stood before me. His widow, mother, and sister stood in front of the eatery with tears in their eyes. I could smell their despair from where I sat, high up above them. It still feels horrible to say out loud, but they deserved it. They deserved every emotion they felt. They claimed that they had always felt bad for me because I was such a heathen. It was hate, not pity. That was _painfully_ obvious.

"I like these odds," Billy said with a laugh.

I shook my head and leaned against the wall nearest to the window. Murphy's voice shouted below us as Doc burst in with his China girl, Yen, who seemed generally surprised to see me there. Everything was happening so quickly. Alex rushed a very unwilling Susan out the door to safety and Charlie began firing manically on our opponents. The smoke quickly filled the room and Steve began storming about, screaming his head off. Apparently, Chavez had left. I didn't blame him though. If I had half a brain in my head, I would have fled with him. Alex had another asthma attack in the midst of the drama and Billy was thinking of what to do next. I was helping to throw the trunks and other furniture out of the window, which quickly took up my energy.

As the flames rose higher and closer to us, I collapsed down next to Billy.

"Well my little schemer, what do you think we should do?" he asked.

"I don't know. I can't die like this, Billy. We can't. We're outlaws. The only blaze we should be going down in is blaze of glory. I don't know what to do…" I said, just starting to cough.

Billy looked around and suddenly eyed the trunk. "Corie, you're gonna have to help me. Try to fit me into this box." I looked up at him with wide eyes, half expecting him to be joking. Naturally, he wasn't, so I ended stuffing him into the crate and gently lifting it to the window. _What are you thinking, Billy? What the hell are you thinking? _Steve, Charlie, Doc, and Yen were ready to bust out of the door as soon as he hit the ground. Alex and I stood to one side of the container, ready to shove.

"In case we don't make it out alive, I'm so sorry for what I said, Alex. I've always appreciated your condescending bullshit."

"All is forgiven, Cordelia," he replied with a laugh.

On a count of three, we pushed Billy out of the window. Guns loaded and ready, I ran over to the others. Gunshots and a loud shout were heard out in the front yard and the six of us exited out of the side door. I took at least five down as I ran out to Billy. As the two of us fired, a familiar voice cried out in another language and Chavez (along with two horses he was leading) leapt over the enemy. I grabbed onto the reins of a horse and climbed up into the saddle. Billy jumped behind me and wrapped his arms around me. Right before he leaned forward, he was struck in the shoulder. Seeing the blood coming from the wound, I quickly rushed from the scene with Doc and Yen following closely behind me. Chavez brought up the rear and we galloped away. The wind blew my hair back off my face and a weight was lifted off my chest. I was alive.

"Turn around," Billy whispered.

"What?"

"Turn around, Cordelia Marie. This isn't over yet."

I knew what he meant. He handed me the pistol as I quickly turned around. When the burning house came into view again, so did Murphy. Our eyes locked just as my father's had not long ago. I nodded politely and shot a hole through his skull.

"Now it's over," I said, nudging the mare with my heels.

I did not see the bodies of my fallen comrades. I didn't want to. Charlie had died bravely and took John Kinney with him; a feat I felt deserved an eternity in peace. Steve had missed the back of the horse and suffered the consequence with several bullets in the chest. He would certainly give Satan a run for his money. Alex McSween was also killed. He was cheering us on when they open fire on him. Now, he'd be in heaven with Pa and the two of them could watch over me and worry together. They were in all better places.

As for the rest of us, we rode out of Lincoln and parted ways. Doc planned to take Yen and her family east to New York like he had always dreamed. With a smile and less advice that I expected, he left us, but I knew that I would see him again. Chavez finally followed his vision west to California. At that moment, it went back to two: Billy and I. He was the last of my boys and we were the last of the Lincoln County Regulators.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. I just want to be wherever you are."

Billy gathered me fully in his arms and kissed me. "Then that's where you'll be."

As the sun set that night, it also set on another chapter of my life. I began it as John Tunstall's daughter, but ended it as Cordelia Tunstall: liar, adulterer, widow, thief, murderer, and partner of Billy the Kid.

**END.**


End file.
